


Feelings

by lilolilyrae



Category: Into Darkness, Star Trek
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-18 19:05:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15492648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: 2018-08-03Sometimes, you need a few near-death experiences to figure out what you really want.





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by [@miraculous-stardust](https://miraculous-stardust.tumblr.com/) :)
> 
>  
> 
> btw if you worry about Uhura's love life: she's happily dating Blondie (Carol I think) -> whoa women are actually interacting with each other, aka passing the bechdel test with more than 3 words (yes I'm still mad about that)
> 
> anywayyys all not relevnt for this story, bc slash ahead!

_Maybe he should have anticipate it the last time something happened._

_Only that time, nothing happened to himself- something happened to **him**._

_The thought of Jim, shivering on the other side of the glass door- then pale, cold, lifeless on the operating table... It makes him freeze and_ feel _all over again. Just the way his control over his feelings failed then, it still does now._

_But Kirk is alright. And, now, he himself is, too._

* * *

 

 

 

"It can't be! We have to go back!"

"Captain-"

"No!" 

" _We have approximately two minutes before the storm reaches us"_ says a voice over the communicator.

"We have to fly back and try to beam him up again, set the course!"

"Yes, sir-"

"Captain, I saw his body, it's no use-"

"Now!"

 

Rushing into transporter room two, blood hammering in his ears.

It can't be.

If Spock is dead, then...

Then what?

No, just don't think about it. 

Because he's not. He can't be.

Vulcan's are tougher than most, and just because his team thought he was dead doesn't mean that he hasn't just been knocked out.

 

Voices ringing in his ears.

"I still can't find his signature-"

_"Captain, we have to leave, now!"_

_"Prepare for Warp, he has to let us leave soon, we can't just all die here because-"_

But nothing of it matters. They have to wait. They will wait. 

Thirty seconds until he will have to make a choice between risking certain death or leaving a man behind. 

Thirty seconds until, when the storm hits this area, the man left behind will no longer have any chance of survival anyway... 

 _He has to let them leave_ , he realises. Just because his own life suddenly seems meaningless doesn't mean theirs are. Just because he wants nothing more than to go down with the one lost doesn't mean he can give up his responsibility as Captain of this ship, of his crew, so easily. 

Twenty seconds.

He opens his mouth to give the order for warp drive.

"I've got him! He's caught up in something, I can't isolate-"

"Just transport him _now_!" he is surprised by the obvious pain in his voice.

"Stand back!"

A light, and masses of blue-green alien greenery arrive in the transporter room.

He can't figure out whether Spock is under it.

"Set course and go on warp, now!"

 

Stars turning to fading lines on the window.

Danger left far behind them in seconds.

None of it matters.

 

Taking a step towards the transporter plattform.

Holding his breath.

There's a slight movement under the leaves.

He drags a bigger branch- more of an alien tree trunk really- off of the figure buried beneath it.

A medical officer is hurrying past him; he didn't even notice someone alerting medical...

His ears are still ringing.

He can't move, just standing there, staring at the figure half hidden from his view, is exhausting him.

 

Movement.

A figure standing up, supported by two others, swaying back and forth before blinking and stabilising. 

_He's alive!_

Neither noticing nor really thinking about what he's doing, he is surging forward, pulling the other man into his arms.

After a second, he feels arms on his back returning the embrace. 

Spock's hesitant touch shakes him from the stupor.

"I- sorry-" he stumbles backwards, holding up his hands as if to show he doesn't mean any harm, while watching over his shoulder in horror and embarrassment as he remembers that they aren't alone- except for the fact that they are, as it appears that the rest of the crew is giving them some privacy: the room is vacant.

How long have they been standing there together, him totally oblivious of time?

With a sigh, he lowers his arms, then draws the back of his hand over his face. 

"Sorry." he repeats, looking up in shame. "I- just- I thought you were _dead_ -" his voice breaks.

"It appears that while I inherited human emotions, my body does deal with a certain level of exhaustion better than average." he quirks his head. "May I ask: what exactly are you apologising for?"  

"I- just-" the thing is: he really doesn't know. Well, he could be apologising for showing relief the human way to a vulcan. But Spock had shown time and time again that he deals with emotions way more human than one would think.

No, it's not that. 

It's the fact that there was more behind it- more than someone happy about a friend being alive.

When even considering the possibility of Spock's death, he had been devastated. 

And if he is honest with himself, he knows why.

His eyes flicker to Spock's lips against his will, and he quickly looks away again.  
  
But Spock notices.

In an uncharacteristically quick manner, his hand takes a hold of Kirk's arm.

His eyes go wide.  
  
"I can't afford mistakes" he hears him mumble.

And then, louder, with the other hand lifting to Kirk's face:  
  
"May I?"

He only nods.

 

Minds are flooded with love.

Pure emotions, nothing else seems to matter.

It's captivating, thrilling, breathtaking. 

 

Spock briefly lifts his hand away from Kirk's face, breaking the meld, before bringing both hands up, cupping his face and leaning in for a kiss.

It's chaste, but at the same time _passionate_ with how close they are together, with how long they stay that way.

 

He breaks away, frantically shaking his head.

"No, Spock, you- I- _you don't have to do this_. Not just because-"

"If you are even considering the notion that I might have only kissed you because of what I saw in your mind, you are mistaken."

A hand on his arm again, calming, centering.

"I kissed you because I- _feel_ for you, and because looking into your mind I was reassured that you feel the same."

He can see, can feel him take a deep breath.

"A mind-link goes both ways. What you just felt was no echo of your own emotions, but rather of mine."

"You- you _love_ me?" he gasps.

"I think I always have."

 

 

* * *

 

_Spock turns around in bed to look at James T. Kirk sleeping next to him._

_Yes, he definitely should have anticipated this sooner._

_But that doesn't mean he can't enjoy it in the now._

**Author's Note:**

> Aaand there I went and broke my golden rule of ignoring fandom before finishing a franchise I like, bc damn I know it will destroy the canon for me... oh well, too late.
> 
> Comments and Kudos make my day!  
> Constructive criticism is always appreciated :)


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